"Lucky"

As readers of my blog, you know that I rarely, if ever, write anything controversial.  I tend to stray away from the hard topics, and instead choose to celebrate Maelie, her milestones, and our absolute joy of having her in our lives.  However, I feel compelled to write on a deeper topic today.

I struggle with the word, 'lucky.'  As in, "You are so lucky to have Maelie," or, "Maelie is so lucky to have parents like you."  These sentences have never truly rankled me, because I equate the word "lucky" to the word "fortunate."  I have never been an adoptive parent to become offended easily, by terms and sentences spoken to us by family, friends, and strangers who may not know a better word to use.  But, I have to say that this attitude of mine recently changed, due to an offhanded remark from a perfect stranger.

Maelie and I were shopping the other day, in a big box store in town.  We have a little cart for Maelie to push around the store, and she loves it.  She was flying around the store, having a grand time.  I noticed a little girl, about 5 or 6, and her grandmother shopping together.  I should say that this grandmother was well put together, not a cookie-baking, apron-wearing type of grannie.  And, I also noticed that this little girl was absolutely smitten with Maelie.  In fact, to add to this story, I could hear the little girl an aisle over urging and urging her grandmother to hurry, because she was going to miss seeing us again.  I thought this was incredibly cute!  We did catch up with the grandmother and little girl again, and began a little conversation with the grandmother.  She did the usual asking about Maelie's adoption, and in a nice way, I should add.  And then she asked where Maelie was from.  When I told her Vietnam, the woman got very quiet and said, "She doesn't even know yet just how lucky she is."  We ended the conversation and both went our separate ways.  But, that comment stuck with me, and rankled me.  It took me a little while to process my feelings about this, and I know the woman meant no harm in her comment, but, in truth, it angered me.

"She doesn't even know yet just how lucky she is."  I think about all that Maelie has gone through in her short life.  Her mother abandoned her at the gates of the orphanage when she was 20 days old.  She lived for five months in an orphanage, with other crying babies, in an institutional setting, having her basic needs met as best they could.  Her bottle was often watered down in order to stretch food.  She would swipe other infants' bottles in the very basic life lesson of 'battle of the fittest.'  When she was four months old, she contracted viral pneumonia from living in her institutional surroundings.  She had few, if any, toys.  She never truly knew her mother, her father, or the reasons why her mother felt she had no other choice but to give her up.

And then we adopted her.  Yes, her basic needs were now fully and completely met.  She wants for nothing.  Toys and clothing are (extremely) plentiful.  But, at what cost?  Maelie has had to leave behind her own country, her own nationality, her own people.  In a country where freedom supposedly rings true, she will always be seen as 'different.'  And, while we can teach her and show her ways to combat this, to stand up and be proud for being Vietnamese, the fact will always remain that she would not have to deal with this if she was living in her own country.

Now, please don't misunderstand.  I wouldn't trade my life with Maelie for anything.  I am truly happy and joyous at the opportunities Maelie will have by living in this country with us.  I celebrate Maelie every single day, and do not take a moment for granted.  I love Maelie more than I could ever imagine loving someone was ever possible.  I am her mother.  This is her home.  We are her family.  Forever and always.  Maelie is a strong little girl.  She is a fighter, a warrior, and a survivor. But, as for, "she doesn't even know yet just how lucky she is," well, I cannot say, in all honesty, that I would consider all that she has had to endure in her short little life as 'lucky.'  Would you?