43

Interesting new game I found out about...

The 43-Man Squamish

In case you'd like to play the game when you get together with family and friends for the holidays, here are the rules:

Before any game, the Probate Judge must first flip a coin, usually a new Spanish peseta, while the Visiting Captain guesses the toss. If he guesses correctly, the game is cancelled immediately. If not, the Home Team Captain must then decide if he wishes to play offense or defense first. Play begins after a frullip is touched to the flutney and the recitation "My uncle is sick but the highway is green!" is intoned in Spanish. Penalties are applied for infractions such as walling the Pritz, icing on fifth snivel, running with the mob, rushing the season, inability to face facts, and sending the Dummy home early.

The offensive team has five Snivels (equivalent to downs in American football) to advance to the enemy goal. Carrying the Pritz across the goal line is a Woomik and scores 17 points; hitting it across with the frullip counts as a Durmish and only scores 11 points. Except in the 7th Ogre (and the 8th, if it rains), only the offensive Niblings and Overblats are allowed to score. In this case, the four Quarter-Frummerts are allowed to kick or throw the Pritz, and the nine Finks are allowed to heckle the opposition by doing imitations of Barry Goldwater.

The teams are to play a sudden-death overtime to break a tie, unless both Left Overblats are out of the game on personal fouls. If this is the case, the tie is settled by the teams lining up on opposite sides of the flutney and shouting dirty limericks at each other until one side breaks up laughing.

When an insufficient number of players precludes a regulation 43-man squamish match, a simplified version may be played: 2-man squamish. The rules are the same, except in 2-man squamish, the object is to lose.

So, before you start wondering what I've been smoking...this game was invented in Issue #95 of MAD Magazine (June 1965) by George Woodbridge and Tom Koch. It was published in the "There's a Soccer Born Every Minute Dept." ;) And yes, it was written to be completely unplayable! Funny, eh?